I wonder if a persons porn preferences are a reflection of their real life sex life? I only ask because I do tend to like my adult entertainment the same way I like my sex life - hard, fast, dirty, and only involving very attractive people. This is probably why I’m so drawn to American gonzo releases - the girls are hot, the sex is rough, and the scenes get straight to the point.
Yup, I’m a girl who likes gonzo. I’m pretty sure it’s a total myth that women want porn with storylines anyway. I just want porn with hot sex in, and I’m pretty not I’m not the only chick who thinks that way. So, having busted that myth, I sat down to watch some US gonzo from the guys at Zero Tolerance.
Wet Dreams Cum True 4 is clearly part of a series, I’ve not seen the first 3 parts but I imagine I’ve not missed much plot wise. I don’t know, maybe part 3 explains why Jenaveve Jolie is standing by a pool in nothing more than a pair of heels and a skintight body suit, I’m just going to assume she’s there because she’s horny and wants to get fucked, which, judging by how the film progresses, is a fairly accurate assessment.
Anyway, Jenaveve is hot stuff, and wearing these cute-yet-kinky set of wrist cuffs and chains which got my imagination working over time. She’s led inside by a guy who is surprisingly attractive for a porn stud, and the chemistry is great between this pair. Making out passionately (I love to see real kissing in porn films) Jenaveve is eagerly undoing his trousers before getting on her knees and filling her mouth with his lengthy cock. She gazes up at him the whole time that she’s working that cock with her mouth, and from the sounds this guys making he’s really loving it. Actually, they both seem to really be enjoying themselves, which makes the whole thing a lot more of a turn on.
Jenaveve is freed from her glam restraints and bent over the sofa (why is there always a sofa?) as the guy give her lots of arousing oral before plunging his cock in her pussy. It’s great, for me at least, to hear the guy moaning with pleasure, as well as hearing Jenaveve begging for more and moaning away as she’s pounded. There’s some great shots of Jenaveve in the cowgirl position, focussing on her amazing ass bouncing up and down but also letting us see her face contorting with pleasure. Things get athletic when the guy picks up this babe and fucks her whilst holding her in the air, which drives her crazy with pleasure when he really starts furiously thrusting - it’s also pretty cute to see her arms wrapped around his chest as she clings to his upper body. This crazy position obviously works for both of them as the stud quickly shoots his load, which, of course, Jenaveve eagerly licks up.
Next up in this Gonzo parade is Lauren Phoenix, she’s really cute but wearing a bizarre pink and green outfit that I found just too wierd to be attractive, although the way it just skims her ass is quite appealing. And it’s a good thing she’s got an ass worth showing off, because she soon assumes the pile-driver position and moans gentle as the stud eases his cock into her asshole. She even does a bit of ass-to-mouth, which is just downright dirty and a definite turn on.
Makayla Cox is inexplicably dressed in a stripy jailbird outfit, which she thankfully soon strips out of. Happily, she’s also wearing those large-holed fishnet tights which I only ever seen in porno. I think I’ve developed a bit of a fetish for these, and as Makyala rubs her pierced pussy through the holes in these tights, I’m sure you’ll see why. Makayla is a very cute, black haired beauty whose ass and pussy are nicely shown off through the previously mentioned tights, and she gives a beautiful rough blowjob as the stud makes her take him hands-free and fucks her face deeply. He then rips a hole in her tights to get access to her pussy and ass, and fucks both exposed holes. This is one intense scene, and it’s very, very hot.
When Vanessa Lane appears, I’m starting to wonder if they raided a fancy dress shop for these outfits. Vanessa seems to be in a similar jail-bird outfit, but this time with lots of red ribbon details. Whatever, she soon gets it off and to my delight is also wearing fishnets. Yum. This is another rough scene with a guy whose clearly really into Vanessa, he can’t seem to wait to get his hands on her. Vanessa appears equally keen to get her mouth on his cock as he does to get his tongue in her pussy, and there’s a cute intimate moment where Vanessa gets fishnets caught and starts laughing. She’s a really fit and flexible girl and this is really shown off in the positions this pair fuck in. I love the fact they Vanessa has a huge grin on her face throughout the hard and fast butt fucking she’s on the receiving end of, and she seems so happy to be swallowing cum at the end of the scene - she’s just adorable. Wow, flexible, cute and she does anal? I’m definitely going to be checking out more of her work.
Dasha’s dressed in a sexy construction worker outfit, complete with helmet (see what I mean about the fancy dress thing?) I guess if your wet dreams do feature female builders, then she’ll certainly make them cum true in this scene! She’s a really enthusiastic fuck and pants gently throughout the fucking - which makes a nice change to the usual porno screaming. The scene finishes with Dasha using her hands to bring the guy to orgasm - covering her boobs with his cream - it’s so hot to see a girl doing this, and not the guy wanking himself till the big finish. she’s obviously a talented lady.
In probably the sexiest outfit, we see Tory Lane teasing us by exposing her ass and boobs seductively to the camera. Her army medic get-up comes complete with a cute little hat, and her towering red heels really complete the look. Hot. She licks her partners hard on through his jeans before exposing his cock and getting to work with her mouth. Tory is really sexy and seductive, slowly teasing and going crazy with the dick in her mouth, licking it’s length and swallowing it down with ease. She bends down to continue the blowjob, spreading her ass and pussy to the camera and giving us a great view of the action. These two go at it so hard that it’s more like they’re fucking for themselves than for the camera - which is always the best way for these things - and the stunning Tory looks amazing throughout.
This is gonzo at it’s best, beautiful girls and straightforward fucking, flexible girls in all kinda of incredible positions getting fuck hard and fast as they balance on glamorous high heels. Whilst it may lack star power - Jenaveve Jolie is probably the most well known performer here - and of course does not have the cheeky filth we love from British porn, it certainly does it’s job. I certainly rate it, especially as the girls all look really into the filthy fucking.
I saw a western themed porn film once, which set itself up to be so good, with an amazing looking title sequence, after which the producers presumably ran of money, and it all crashed back to LA gonzo reality, with five boring scenes shot in dull LA apartments. Since then, I’ve been on the lookout for western themed porn that lives up to its promise - mostly because I like girls in leather chaps. And chaps in girls in leather chaps.
And so we come to The Good, The Bad and The Dirty. Although it seems I’m out of luck as far as the chaps are concerned, as it’s an all girl film, it’s pretty obvious straight from the opening credits that this is some pretty high quality stuff. Lolly Badcock stars as the new sheriff in town, who is “out to clean up the town, by getting down and dirty.” The costumes, locations and costumes are very authentic – unfortunately Lolly’s accent isn’t. Although considerably better than Keanu Reeves’ attempted English accent in Dracula, it seems a bit out of place in the old west.
On the other hand – it’s porn? Who cares about the accents! Anyway, it’s not like there’s a shortage of porn featuring girls with American accents, and it’s nice to have English accents for a change. It’s just a bit strange in a western.
The film features a magnificent seven of top British talent. The awesome Lolly Badcock takes the lead, and she gets to have her way with Alicia Rhodes, Elizabeth Lawrence, Jemstone, Poppy Morgan, Renee Richards, and Suzie Best. She’s definitely a lucky girl and all five all-girl scenes show Ms. Badcock at her sapphic best. Not to be missed is the three way between Lolly, Jemstone and Poppy Morgan. After Lolly catches cute Jemstone spying on her peeing and wanking in a barn, she roughs her up a little, (wo)manhandling her and verbally degrading her until Poppy shows up to defend her. The scene quickly dissolves into a haze of hot lesbonic three way action, with lots of ass licking domination and verbal abuse. This scene is hot stuff, especially the moment when the girls all line up, asses in the air, and simultaneously wank themselves with large dildos.
I should also mention that this film is also a must for firearms enthusiasts, as Lolly’s weapon of choice is a classic six-shooter style gun dildo, which she uses to dispense rough justice on the pussies and asses of all those who stand in the way of the law. These dildos feature all the way through the film, and there’d even a shotgun sized one at one point. It’s good to see the cowgirl theme running all the way through to the sex toys, and the site of Lolly walking round with a dildo strapped in a holster on her hip is certainly one to behold. Lolly smokes cigars in several of the scenes too, which perfectly suits her role of sheriff and will be a real turn on for some of you watching. It makes Lolly look like the tough girl she truly is.
The first scene sees Lolly in a sleazy seductive mode, getting her wicked way with saloon slut Elizabeth Lawrence who looks every inch the hottest whore in the wild west. Lolly really fills that prostitute pussy before heading back down to the bar for a drink!
The scene with Suzie Best is a winner too, and not only because of the skintight blue jeans that Suzie wears (and Lolly soon sticks her hands down!) It’s a passionate fuck with lots of kissing, and Lolly keeping her cowboy boots and hat on for a lot of the time. Add to this the scenes where Sheriff Badcock gets closely reacquainted with old friend Renee Richards, or when this dashing cowgirl rescues Alicia Rhodes from her cruel punishment, treating her instead to a full-on toy fuck, and you’ve got one great Western-inspired wank, guaranteed!
The sexy girls, great theme and authentic costumes and sets really make this movie worth checking out. It’s good to see such effort put into an all girl film, and with Badcock leading the way, you really can’t go wrong!
There’s not much better than seeing Miss Lolly Badcock in head-to-toe latex and taking charge of a group of deviants, freaks and fetishists. That’s exactly what happens in this twisted ‘Circus Extreme’, and as you know that with Lolly involved it’s going to be very extreme indeed.
The dark-haired Brit beauty plays the dominant ringmistress of this perverted circus troupe, presenting us with a great mix of campy kinky fun, freakshow sex and good hard fucking. In her tight rubber get up and top hat, Lolly struts around the circus ring, surrounded by fire eaters and acrobats (one of things that makes this film stand out is that it mixes real circus performers with the sex scenes) summoning each act into the ring and encouraging the action, this is all very definitely her show and she suits this role down to the ground. It’s like she’s gathered all these acts together for her own personal masturbatory entertainment, and god it’s hot.
First into the ring is Majella, training her rubber-wrapped doggy boy - he’s in a full-on dog mask an plays the eager puppy throughout as Majella rubs her ass and pussy in his face. Once she’s riding this dirty dogs cock, an intimidating leather-clad and masked man joins them to keep her mouth occupied as the puppy-boy pounds away at her wet pussy.
There’s an audience watching them the whole time - Lolly and some near-naked studs lounge around watching and masturbating, the fire breathers keep doing their pyro thing and you occasionally hear rounds of applause coming from the gathered crowd. The whole show is taking place in a genuine circus, which suggests that this may be what happens after dark in the big top.
Majella finishes off her fellas and gets a big round of applause for taking the spunky loads from both her leather-man and the doggy boy.
Lolly gets bit more hands on with her next act, throwing an innocent looking blonde into the ring and announcing that this anal virgin shall be sacrificed tonight. She keeps dishing out instructions as the masked stud enters the ring and -doing exactly what Lolly tells him to do - begins licking Suzie Best ’s ass. Soon he’s on the receiving end of an intense looking blowjob. The pairing once again becomes a threesome, and after some gentle probing with fingers Suzie’s virgin ass first takes toys, the cocks. The very vocal Suzie clearly loves every second of her first sodomy and proves what a dirty slut she is by making an extra special effort to get a mouthful of cum.
Things start to get a bit more bizarre in the next scene as Lolly introduces her little friend - Jimmy Wheel is a midget who’s let out of his cage to fuck the lovely Emma-Louise. There’s a great bit of super dominant torment as Emma-Louise pushes her pussy up close to the bars of Jimmy’s cage - he’s so close, but he can’t touch her - before she allows him to come out and play. They play around with some unusual dildos before the fucking starts. This would be a pretty mundane scene if it wasn’t for the fact that Jimmy is not your average porn stud, and it definitely lends some credibility to the circus set up, luckily it’s followed by an awesome solo-scene where Lolly herself shows off her ‘amazing stretching pussy’. Fans of Lolly will know she’s not the quiet type and her solo wank is fast and furious as she swears and screams with filthy pleasure. She’s soon demanding bigger dildos to fill her waiting pussy. After realising that toys are not going to be enough, she brings out her ultimate stretching device, the beautiful Alicia Rhodes, who really does a very good job of pushing that pussy to the limits.
A new niche is explored when Lolly requests a volunteer from the audience and up steps Francesca - the Fat Old Bird of the scene’s title. She’s invited to demonstrate just how much better things get with age, and eagerly sets to work on Little Joe. Using her many years of experience she expertly sucks cock, before eventually finishing him off with a tit wank between her very large mature boobs.
The next scene stars the sexy Roxanne as the spider woman, trapped in a bondage web and really letting go with a long stream of piss.
There’s a bit of girl-girl action between her and Lolly before Roxanne’s partner enters the ring. This guy - The Helicopter Man - is apparently big in Japan, and has one hell of a party trick that really has to be seen to be believed! I’m not going to ruin the surprise, so I’ll just say that once I saw this, I was telling my friends about it for weeks! He’s a bit of a strange looking chap, with a strange talent, but what this scene lacks in chemistry it more than makes up for with it’s novelty appeal. Helicopter Man is one of a kind!
The grand finale sees all the assorted acts of perversion come together for one depraved orgiastic fuck fest, a carnivalesque clusterfuck of porn girls and perverts. It’s one great, dirty orgy, complete with a audience of randy voyeurs. Nice.
Whilst this film might be a little too weird to appeal to everyone, it definitely manages a seamless blend of weirdness and hot sex. Familiar porn stars and hard fuck scenes keep things from getting too freaky and stops the fetishy elements from overpowering the sex - after all, that’s what we’re all here for! It’s great to Lolly back in action and as filthy as ever, it’s been a while since I’ve seen this dirty cutie in a new release and this film - where she is every inch the dirty dominant - is a real must see for fans of this little Brit minx.
The first scene in this great piece of American hardcore, is a ‘quaint’ little number which takes me back to my school days. Hot summers, playing football, bunking off classes, sticking your middle finger under your friend’s nose and saying “that’s what your sister smells like!” Oh yes I remember it well!
The reason this scene really does it for me is the brace (retainer) that Leah Luv wears. She’s obviously old enough to be in movies… but only just! Isn’t that the way we like it, guys??? It’s also the look on her face as she’s getting pounded hard from behind, she really does love that cock! I have to say it helps that I like small tits because that’s what she’s got but still, I don’t think you’ll be worrying about that too much when you see her tight little arse get filled up! Oh yeah and she actually gargles spunk at the end, what a great sport she is!
Movie ticket - £7.99. Seeing a young co-ed with a retainer gargle spunk - priceless!
Ok, let’s get on to the next scene now. I can think of several bits of advice for up and ‘coming’ porn actresses but for Cindy Sterling I have only one… “Shut the hell up!”
Don’t get me wrong I like a bit of playful chat when I’m filling up an 18 year old, but she just won’t shut up! If you like a really vocal ‘moaner’ then this is the girl for you but I’m afraid she made me put the tissues away and put the t.v on instead. (Thought bubble over head says… I wish I had £1 for every time she says the words “oh yes”!) To her credit she’s not bad looking and she does all the stuff you want her to, so take a look for yourself, you may like her a lot, who knows.
Kaiya Lynn is just downright dirty, dirty, dirty. If you like Oriental girls you’ll love this dirty little slut bag. Not really my cup of tea as a rule, but I’ll watch it once more just to be on the safe side! She does have amazing tits and she’s very obliging to both the actors!
Naudia Nice reminds me of a girl I banged in college, in fact shr reminds me of several girls I banged in college! This is a scene which for some reason you can really picture yourself in. The camera angles don’t flatter Naudia but that makes is better somehow. Take a look you’ll see what I mean. Great wank material.
Finally… I don’t want to tell you too much about this scene, let’s keep it as a nice surprise. All I’ll say is that you will know for 100 percent certain that Angela Stone enjoys her job… a lot! She’s got a cracking body and a pretty face… and some pretty special talents!
I want this girls phone number…
Speaking as one who is bored stupid of gonzo porn, sickened by cellulite reality porn, and alienated by airbrushed Calipornia, this film was a complete revelation. Although the girls are about as good on skateboards as me (i.e. shite), they do look the part with their beanie-hats and sunglasses, and more importantly, they act with that bad-grrl wildness that I was looking for.
After a pretty shaky, over-long, unexciting first scene with Leah Luv, we get into the swing of things with a good hard - and sometimes pretty rough - fuck, although not before Gia Jordan has shown herself to be a pretty impressive cock-gargler. After 40 or so minutes of pussy and ass-slamming, James Deen blows his wad into the girls ass. So deep in her ass, in fact, that they can’t seem to get any out, despite a good root around with their fingers.
Scene 4 is a similar showcase for Deen’s stamina and pussy-slamming ability, as we see Charlotte Stokley change from a quite pristinely hair-brushed beauty to a bruised and abused, cum-covered slut. She’s as hot as they get, and the director gets it just right with the emphasis on her fantastic tattoo adorned ass.
But the undoubted stars of this particular show are the two girls in scene 3. Damn. I’m not usually a fan of girl on girl, but Kimberley Kane and Faith go at each other so enthusiastically - licking, kissing, slapping, sucking, spitting, ass fingering - that you can’t help but admire them. They really, really want it. You can see it in their eyes, and in the way they nearly chew one another’s asses out. When it all gets too much, they burst into fits of giggles and just carry on, harder and faster than before. Supreme stuff, and really enhanced by their superb bodies, immaculate cunts and, of, those sunglasses! There’s really no need for the almost obligatory dildo scene at the end - these girls didn’t really need one to get off.
The scenes are ‘introduced’ by a pair of bubblegum chewing, hot-pant wearing cuties - Christie Lee and Nadia Styles - who finally get their act together in the final scene, first chewing each other out comprehensively, and then getting seen to by a disappointingly small-cocked skater guy. It’s all pretty good, but after scene 3, it’s all a bit tame.
Skater Girl Fever is great, and it’s worth getting just for scene three alone. Eight squirts out of ten!
You know what you’re getting with Harmony’s Slam It! series - the hottest starlets getting rammed full of the hardest cocks in the business. Slam It! In A Slut is no disappointment with stunning performers and locations, and no time-wasting despite clocking in at over two and a half hours of action. There’s also a fantastic long scene for all you DP lovers out there.
Most of the stars here are American, and there’s lots more loud screaming and shouting, and pleading to “fuck me, fuck my pussy hard, oh yeah, oh yeah…” than with British stars. Personally I find this a bit off-putting if it’s too over the top, as it is in the first scene with Bree and Devon, but some of you I’m sure will love it. Both these girls are right squealers, particularly petite blonde Bree, who screams at the top of her lungs as Oliver first thrusts into her then yells that she’s coming within ten seconds. The girls are a great double-act though, lying on top of each other for Oliver to have a choice of holes, though he keeps to pussy action this time, unusual in a Harmony film.
We get plenty of anal in the next scene though, which features stunning redhead Smokie and blonde Anna, working brilliantly together rather than competing like some girls in group scenes seem to. Smokie watches Anna and her fella kissing and fingering before coming to join in, wearing ballet shoes, a red negligee and a smile. She has beautiful creamy white skin, cascading red ringlets and a cute upturned nose, and I’ll be looking out for her name in other films. Tons of lube is poured into Anna’s arse, some of it splashing on the camera lens, which Smokie then licks. The anal gets hard and fast, with a choice of who to fuck as the girls kneel on a sofa.
India and Lexi share a beautifully-shot blowjob scene with their lucky stud next. Both look slightly Gothic in black lingerie and jewellery in a long indulged scene. It’s straight into the fucking in the next scene with Max however, who after first parading for the camera has a cock straight up her pussy. The gorgeous deep pink inside her dark lips matches her cerise lingerie and it’s a shame things move quickly to anal - I’d have like to see that pussy get fucked a bit longer. There’s some DP with a glass dildo before her stud focuses on her arse, fucking her hard before shooting over her crack then sliding his dick up her again.
The best scene is the last though, with blonde Phyllisha and three guys. Relaxing by the pool, Phyllisha plays with herself, before clicking her fingers and the three studs appearing. They are topless in black smart trousers, and attend to her wishes with a drink and cigarettes. They follow her inside and at another click of the fingers drop their trousers. This is where the fun starts, as without any licking fingering kissing or anything else you’d expect, they’re straight into her three holes as she crouches on a sofa. There follows an amazing long DP scene, much better than the usual few minutes of DP at the end of a scene of other types of action. Phyllisha has pussy lips so dark they’re almost black, with vivid pink inside, and these gets stretched round Tony De Sergio’s cock as his fellow studs take turns in her arse. Phyllisha takes this all and begs for more, even when the studs are standing up sandwiching her between them and ramming the full length of their massive dicks right up into her. Finally they cum one in each hole.
There’s also an extra on this disc, beautiful Sasha Grey getting fucked hard by a bearded biker stud while a photo crew take pictures. This slender starlet is one to watch, and if you like drooling during blowjobs you have to see this – virtually a waterfall of gleaming clear throat liquid cascading over the stud’s dick as it slides in and out of her mouth.
It doesn’t take much to get Petra to strip naked, just lower the air conditioner.
I got annoyed with my office boy for being behind on his work.I’ve noticed that he paid more attention to looking at me,undressing me with his eyes,so decided to teach him a lesson and get it out of his system.I got him to get down on his knees and took my panties off,giving him a good view of my pussy.Seeing his reaction to it,I told him to come over,I took his cock out of his trousers and started to wank it with my stocking,then put it in my mouth and sucked it through the stocking.Tasting his precum,I took the stocking off and put his throbbing cock deep into my mouth.He could barely hold off his excitement,when I ordered him to cum all over my face.A second later he shot his load all over my glasses and into my mouth.Well,he better start pulling his weight from now on…
The tight leather uniforms, the domination and restraint, the big long nightsticks, I’m really quite surprised that this is the only Judge Dredd porno I’ve ever, um, come cross. I’m also surprised that it’s quite a straightforward porno and not an S&M fest, although less surprised that it’s Brasilian, cos they like a bit of red-blooded macho lawman action over there.
My Portuguese isn’t that great, so I didn’t entirely figure out what the plot was from the lengthy opening spiel, but it’s some cobblers to do with sex being banned in the future, some sort of illegal hallucinogen (presumably not the same one the writers were on) that makes you unable to resist boning the nearest stranger, and the group of law enforcers set up to prevent illicit nookie - the Judges of SEX! Oh yeah, and the punishment for sex is castration, apparently, which I suppose is apt.
The film opens on two rather foxy looking female judges lurking in a corridor in actually fairly convincing outfits, before switching to a young couple getting frisky in a not terribly futuristic looking motel room (does Madrid have Travelodges?). The girl wins credit right from the off, partly for having nice largish boobs (I’m not usually a fan of the more frontally endowed), but mainly for looking a hell of a lot like Rosanna Arquette, and the bloke gets credit for having nice trousers. Oddly, the best bit of this section is when she’s sucking his cock. Fellatio scenes tend to be dull and overlong, but this one’s short and she has a gorgeous pair of lips wrapped around his shaft. After that, it goes downhill a bit with all the usual positions, and amusingly the girl starts to look bored while the bloke is clearly getting a bit nervous - just like real life!
After he’s exploded all over those nice tits, we’re back in the corridor again, where the foxy Judges of SEX! are still hanging around doing sod all except jabber into their radios, and then suddenly we’re back in the same hotel room we were just in with the last couple. Hope they changed the seats, or someone’s gonna be shagging in the wet spot!
This time round, it’s two guys and a girl, who sit around playing chess and discussing Sartre. Or possibly not. Nope, they get down to a great deal of spit-roasting in the usual way - she’s kinda hot in a fairly standard porno hardbody way, the blokes are passingly familiar with the ugly shovel, and the sexiest bit is the girl moaning and gasping in Spanish as she’s being fucked hard from behind.
By this point I was wondering if the plot, or even the Judges, would ever get out of the corridor - I mean, if you pay your dollar for Judges of SEX! you expect the judges to get down to some SEX! at some point in the movie. It’s not like I have high expectations, but a little narrative and some vague attempt to look a bit ‘future’ would have been nice - surely they could have stretched to some neon green eyeshadow and a Philippe Starck lemon squeezer?
A bit of nasty spaceship CGI later, and we’re somewhere new - a different bit of corridor, with a heating vent! Hey, you gotta take your excitement where you can get it. But don’t worry, Dredd’s here! But oh dear me, he’s let himself go a bit - I’m sure the paunch, the double chin and the stubble are against regulations.
Nevertheless, he starts kicking arse and taking names, busting back into the same room again and zapping the first couple (who had presumably been hiding in the drawer next to the bible), before tracking down the rest, plus a couple of surprised looking extras, and attempting to talk them to death.
Luckily one of the female judges decides to take one for the team, necks a trippy sex pill, and is soon down to her shiny black knickers, sucking the cock of one of the guys from earlier (the uncastrated one, natch). If you like dark-haired, sultry latino looks and big butts this one should be for you, because the woman in this one has all of the above. However I say ’should’ because this ain’t a great scene. The problem is that the couple seem genuinely into each other, staring into each other’s eyes and holding each other tightly, which is very sweet, but doesn’t make for great porn. Still, she looks great at the end when she’s on all fours, her boyfriend burying his cock in her arse before spraying a quite phenomenal amount of cum up her back (I’m talking fire-extinguisher volumes here).
Meanwhile, back in the bloody corridor, a woman in an at least attempting-to-be-futuristic silver dress sneakily, er, walks straight up to Fat Dredd and bungs a trip in his mouth. And before he can say “Drokk, look at all those colours, maaaan!”, Dredd’s flat on his back with silver dress girl and the other female judge sucking on his nightstick. It has to be said, for all its faults, this film really does have some nice blowjob action.
Thos is also another good scene for latino-lovers, as both girls have smouldering Spanish looks, not to mention lithe, athletic bodies, which are a real turn on when they arch their backs as ‘Dredd’ slides his big cock into their tight pussies. Although finding that Dredd looks like a fat Alec Balwin without his helmet on is just a little distracting. Best bit of this scene is silver dress girl doing reverse cowgirl on Dredd, her gorgeous cupcake breasts bouncing as Dredd fucks her arsehole.
Having sprayed cum all over said breasts (who wouldn’t?), Dredd suits up again and goes off in search of the funky sex acid dealer, who he gives a lengthy lecture to about God knows what before, yep, shooting him in the balls, cos he is the LAW and stuff.
Put simply, this isn’t a great porno film - stars who don’t know how to perform for the camera, some terrible camera angles, and the whole thing looks really cheap seeing as it was all clearly filmed in one room and the corridor outside. Having said that, if you grew up reading Judge Dredd, it’s a fun curio, and anyone who likes watching Latino girls in action will find a bit to please them. And hey, it’s still better than the Stallone Dredd movie.
This two-film set from Harmony is worth setting an evening aside for. At almost three and a half hours of action, there’s not a single dud scene. Some of the hottest UK talent is in there looking its best, including Renee Richards in a silk gown, Vanessa Hill straddling a superbike in black leather and Elle Brook naked but for suspenders under a long coat.
Stars off with UK Ball Drainers as a bit of porn foreplay. Five of the six scenes are blowjobs, with only Natalie Heck getting some pussy action in a three-way with Jay R and Ian. With her blonde and dark hair extensions and kinky lingerie she looks like a Dirrty-era Christina Aguilera, makeup smearing as she gets spit-roasted while begging to be slapped. The best scene in this film for me though features the delicious Renee Richards. We see her climbing a flight of stairs in a long black silk robe, hair and make-up classy and immaculate. The robe slips and slides over her skin until it falls open to reveal her stunning slender curves. Lucky James is waiting for her upstairs, and gets treated to a long sensuous blowjob, complete with some breast action and ball sucking. It’s a shame not to see her get fucked, but at least we get to watch her beautiful face throughout the scene.
Danny Boy and Michelle B show how a 69 should be done in one scene and Elizabeth Lawrence demonstrates some great cock-biting with Ben Kelly. Taylor Morgan gives Pete Le Meat a bit of a lapdance in a club toilet before savouring his perfect cock and Suzie Best DPs herself with her own fingers before wrapping those same fingers round James’s dick in the final scene.
So, starter over we get on to the main course. Desperate Housewives features five great scenes of naughty make-believe spousal infidelity. First up, Michelle B awaits the arrival of window cleaner Chuck Loads. Dressing for him in black lingerie she calls her friend Elle Brook to invite her to join in the impending fun. Once Chuck starts his work Michelle gives him a show of her perfect pussy and arse while cleaning inside the house, before inviting him in for a cup of tea. This soon turns into a long sex session, though both have the energy to give Elle some action too once she arrives. The girls out on a show for Chuck until he joins in, fucking one while fingering the other until both are screaming.
Taylor Morgan is shopping for a new car in the second scene, and negotiates a few grand off the price of her chosen BMW hatchback by offering a blowjob and anal shag to car salesman Pete Le Meat. This is a great advert for the BMW, showing plenty of space for blowing in the front seat and fucking in the back. They move to a pile of tyres then a rug on the ground to get into the anal action. After a slow careful start, Taylor gives us one of those ‘but how does all that cock fit up there?’ moments as she grinds down reverse-cowgirl on Pete’s meat.
Vanessa Hill ads a real ‘wow’ factor to the film, appearing in thigh-high leather boots, black mini-dress and no knickers to pick up her superbike from the garage. Straddling the bike she offers a blowjob as payment for the work done and mechanic Jon Janes wastes no time in revealing he’s naked under his overalls. She blow him while still astride the bike, in the perfect scene for any bike-lovers out there, until he strips her to show her perfect slender natural figure and negotiating her pussy and arse into the payment bargain.
All these scenes are great but the two best are still to come. Pascal is a hairdresser in the penultimate scene, and Sarah James his lucky client. This is filmed in a real hair salon and features what I reckon is a genuine salon assistant - a young guy who puts Sarah’s hair in curlers expertly and doesn’t get into any of the actual action. Bet that’s not what he expected when he took the job - to be curling a stunning girl’s hair while she played with herself. A session at the hairdressers starts with a wash though, and Sarah gets this along with a head massage from the assistant, head back over the sink, while Pascal licks her pussy (what a combination of sensations). Sarah has the dirty supermodel beauty of a young Anna Nicole Smith (remember the Guess adverts?) and it’s a joy to watch Pascal fucking her, ending by easing his cock up her arse then shooting over her crack.
The best comes last, as Jay R gives housewife Carmel Moore a very personal training session after-hours at a weights gym. In the ‘behind the scenes’ extra on the disc we see Jay kickboxing, and as he takes Carmel through some weights moves on the kind of hardcore machines you don’t get at your local council gym, it’s obvious he knows what he’s talking about. He’s totally natural on camera too, and these two factors make this scene really believable. The cheeky way he suggests she strip off to stay cool, seeing as there’s no-one else around, is irresistible. They’re not alone though, as a member of the gym is still finishing off in the showers. When Vienna Moore appears Jay invites her to join in, and the three put the gym equipment to best use.
This is one of those rare porn films which you want to watch again straight away. The locations are great and much of it is shot in natural light. There’s a good balance of oral, pussy and anal - good slow anal, the girls actually showing a real reaction to having a great big dick pushing up their arsehole, rather than the kind of slam-it-hard anal which us non-porn-star girls couldn’t dream of really taking. This is one I’ll be definitely be recommending to all my friends.
Beautiful girls in perfect classic lingerie and make-up, shot in candlelight as they get fucked by the best cocks in the business to a soundtrack of classical music… Yep, this is a film from Dreamlight Studios, who brought us the beautifully-shot semi-fetish Ladies And Gentlemen, This Is Burlesque. This time though there’s an added twist with the specific kink of capnolagnia - the fetishisation of smoking. The stunners taking a puff include Diana Gold, Hana Black, Lilien Tiger and Christina Lee.
This isn’t a film for those of you who consider kissing a smoker to be like kissing an ashtray. Tobacco smoke is rolled around the mouth and exhaled in perfect plumes from between glossy lips; caresses hard dicks as the starlets move in to suck after taking a drag; and rises from cigars and cigarillos held between immaculately manicured fingers.
The film starts with Strictly Broadband favourite Angel Long smoking in the bath while playing with herself, watched by Jay R, who puffs on a cigar as he watches her. Soon he’s by the side of the bath with his cock out, and she blows smoke onto its head, before giving him a hand-job with cigar clutched between her fingertips. Once she’s out of the bath Jay licks and plays with Angel’s pussy for ages, licking from her arsehole right up to her dense triangle of pubes. They fuck on a sofa and then the floor, his exceptionally long cock sliding deep into her as she talks dirty to him. This is an exceptionally horny scene - I could watch these two shag for hours.
The smoking is unconvincing in the second scene, with the girls taking little puffs through long cigarette holders before discarding them and getting down to business. It’s all lipstick, pearls and seamed stockings and the girls are great together – there’s nothing unconvincing about the way they play with each other. The pearls get used as a sex toy until a huge black truncheon-style dildo takes their place.
Next up Daria Glover, in black underwear, smokes suggestively next to JJ. She has a stunning strong-but-curvaceous figure and amazing natural tits. She carries on smoking while he goes down on her, licking all around under her neatly trimmed bush. He keeps his hat on while he then fucks her, not being able to resist sliding between her tits for a while too, before finally shooting over her perfectly made-up face.
Two great starlets get together in the next scene - Renee Richards and Elizabeth Lawrence. Their lucky stud cuts the ends off their cigars and lights them, and the two girls smoke and play with themselves and then his cock. Elizabeth manages jaw-dropping (excuse the pun) deep-throating, swallowing the whole of his cock until her lips are pressed hard against his balls. Next he sits in a chair and she straddles the arms to give us a great view of her riding up and down on his cock. Renee smokes and watches from across the room. The first half of the scene is quite dark but the lighting gets better towards the end so we can properly see the girls sharing a big pink dildo, giving their guy a show until he can’t help but shoot over their upturned faces.
Last up, we see a perfect dirty-but-beautiful trio of ladies, all in long gloves and with perfectly-styled hair. Cigar tubes get put to an alternative use, disappearing up perfect pussies. Bill Clinton would love it.
…This Is Burlesque was a great film but a little too posh-looking for me. Smoke keeps the best bits but adds some extra harder edges. Apart from the first scene with Angel, and the fourth with Elizabeth and Renee, there’s not too much focus on the smoking, so don’t let that put you off if you’re a non-smoker. Otherwise enjoy watching what is quickly becoming a new taboo.
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