Real Girlfriends
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If I had to describe this movie, from new studio Candice Paris, in one sentence, I would say it has the look and feel of your regular dodgy amateur homemade Britporn production, with one crucial difference: the girls are all astonishingly beautiful. Now I know most pornos have pretty attractive specimens of the female species - don’t get me wrong, I’m a red blooded male like the rest of you - and we all like to have a good perv on the girl next door, but this guy’s ‘Real Girlfriends’ (all allegedly his exes) are something else. Stunningly perfect bodies, all under 20 years old, adorable little natural tits, fresh, pretty faces - I couldn’t believe it. Each one of them gets shagged senseless by James himself, filmed on a single camera (not POV) in a home location. The lighting and filming is of a fairly decent level, just enough to give you that naughty, pervy feel, but not the kind of dark, shaky nonsense that has given amateur Britporn a bad name.
The first babe is blonde teen Julia, in her seminal boy/girl scene, and she seems a little nervous but happy to go ahead with it, spread out on his lawn in cute little hotpants and white trainers. Her body is achingly slender and young, her little tits and pink nipples unbearably arousing as he peels off her flimsy top and expertly gets to work on her pussy. The tight little slit is quickly swollen and wet from his oral ministrations, and she moans her pleasure. He seems very much into throughout the movie, always giving them more than they give him, which is a welcome change from the norm. Perhaps this is his trick for getting girls like that to go out with him?
Brunette Gemma Johnson, his ex wife, does a scene with him in lighthearted roleplay as nurse and patient. She seems to enjoy the whole scenario as she provocatively bends over in her tight short dress, stockings and sexy white nurse boots, showing us that she too has a perfect 10 body. When she’s stripped off, James shows off her tasty low hanging inner pussy lips before vigorously fingering her and frigging her clit until she has a loud, shaky orgasm. She takes a good lot of anal in various professional looking positions, and a spunkshot in the face.
Blonde Antonia Deona looks just like the Candice Paris cartoon logo - she’s got big bouncy (silicone) breasts, big blonde bunches, big sexy eyes and a slender, curvy body. She’s simply built to be a pornstar. If she wasn’t, it would be a crime. Especially in her over the top cute outfit composed entirely of skimpy pink and white frills. She puts on a great show with a vibrator before James gets stuck in, wanking herself silly, before he produces a large chocolate bar and fucks her dripping hole with it. Try not to think of the obvious comparisons, as he gets down there to eat it (I almost plucked out my own eyes). Maybe just fast forward to the very hot fast, noisy fuck - he slams into her in doggy and several other splendid positions, and when he stops for a breather, she demands it even harder.
His fiance Lee-Anne, in her first ever porn scene, is the most unusual looking of the girls, a very curly haired total babe, slim with a gorgeous face. She looks almost like a doll, utterly sexy body with hair that just makes you want to grab it and fuck her senseless. Claiming, “I was innocent until I met him”, she starts the sex gently with a nice wank as they both whisper cute sweet nothings to one another, kissing random body parts and gazing into each others’ eyes. It’s certainly the most overtly convincing of all the ‘relationship sex scenes’ we’ve had so far. Apparantly he gives the best fingerfuckings ever, as she’s shaking and glassy eyed from her orgasm, panting how he’s incredible, and often makes her piss (or maybe squirt) from pleasure. Her cute curls (and of course her lovely tits) bounce endearingly as she fucks atop his cock before getting a load down her front.
Crystal Cameron, who isn’t in a relationship with James at the time of the scene, but rather auditioning, is a tall blonde with tight little tits and incredibly sweet small pink nipples, and apparantly she’s never even sucked a cock before but wants to do porn. After a pervily filmed wank, James fucks her, but although she’s beautiful to look at, she’s not massively responsive, although it is obvious it’s pure, unadulterated reality, which makes her orgasm much more intensely sexy to watch than normal ‘porn orgasms’.
There’s two main things that would make me recommend this movie: one is that that whole ‘real couple’ dynamic is rarely seen in porn outside of the actual Real Couples movies, and it’s one I definitely like… James knows how to play these girls’ bodies like the worlds’ most beautiful instruments, and sexually, it shows them off beautifully. The other thing is that the focus is just as much on the girls’ pleasure as the normal porn type acts. Not only is there oodles of luscious pussy licking and stroking, making them writhe and gasp for at least a quarter of each scene, but the camera focuses right in on their faces when they come, showing us how intimate, how tender, how utterly erotic it is to make a girl orgasm. Thoroughly reccomended.
Hug A Hoodie
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If you’re wondering what the hell a “chav” or a “hoodie” are - you probably don’t live in Britain. Portrayed by the media as a generation of working class youngsters with no respect for society, hoodies are often seen loitering on street corners, bored and rebellious, clad in a uniform of hooded tops and baseball caps.
Hooded tops - known as hoodies - have come to be viewed by some as a symbol of social disorder, due to the amount of crime committed by chavs. This led to Conservative leader David Cameron suggesting a campaign to understand the “troubled youngsters”, dubbed ‘Hug A Hoodie’, which inspired Span’s new title. Chav is becoming trendier and the trappings of the ‘underclass’ are now popular in mainstream society, making this the perfect time to feature it in a porn film.
And what a porn film it is! The scenarios are brilliant, inspired by Span’s filthy female mind - rude as fuck, but very, very real. The outfits are superb - taking the sexiest elements of chav fashion and making them a little skimpier, a little naughtier - zip up hooded tops with no bras, cute baseball caps, big gold earrings and short miniskirts. There’s a lot of dialogue at the beginning of each scene, setting up just the right amount of plot - and it’s mostly really well acted and bound to make you smile.
The fantasy of chav babes as sexually available sluts is a common one, and Hug A Hoodie plays on it strongly. These girls like sex, they like men, they like attention, and the way they act, it’s very easy to imagine they’ll like you too. Young blonde Karlie Simon and Carmel chat about older men, and how Carmel “wants to ‘ave a go on em”. When two blokes from the council turn up to measure the house, she’s in like Flynn - the sexual predatory nature of this babe is a huge turnon. After loads of licking, fingering and sucking, with the girls taking charge, they’re each being hammered and spitroasted over the sofa - really looking like they’re loving it.
Beautiful indian Sahara plays a posh lawyer who endearingly allows the tracksuit clad, streetwise young black dude next door to seduce her. This is seriously cute - she’s in control, she “likes bad boys” and she wants a licking. Toying with the strings of his hooded top, unzipping him and groping his firm young body with thorough pleasure, her clear sexual desire is unbearably arousing. Her small slender body looks stunning next to his fit black one, and he’s very skilled at giving her exactly what she wants. She even demands he pass her a vibrator out of the bedside drawer, so she can fuck her pussy as he fucks her arse, and make herself come. With a prolonged, genuine looking orgasm from her that will blow your mind, it’s one fucking hot scene.
Leah Caprice and her blonde friend Antonia Deona have a double fuck with two blokes who can’t believe how lucky they’ve got - the thing that makes this scene hot is the synchronised fucking with the two pairs of blondes sucking and mounting the cocks in the same positions at the same time, and fucking side by side. Antonia actually makes the most stunning chav bird out of the whole film - she’s a fantastic fuck, a total porno wankfantasy.
The scene with Isabel Ice taking on a mouthy gang of hooded yobs is brilliant. They recognise her as a pornstar, ‘give it all that’ and she turns on them and takes them up on it. Of course, half run away but she still scores three fit guys - two white and one black. One or two of these seem to be nervous first timers and don’t make the cumshots, but between them all, there’s still a lot of hard cock for her to suck and ride, and they’re all eager to take their turns. Plenty of naughty girl on boy rimming from this dirty bitch too, cock faceslapping, and more of her usual depraved sexual turnons - it’s clear who was truly directing the sex that day!
Our favourite pervy sket Crystal Lei and her mate Emma B play the sluttiest blondes on the estate, attempting and failing to drag a guy back to their council flat for sex, and settling for experimentally “Lezzing It Up” (genius scene title!) instead. Before the sex even begins, Crystal’s demonstrated her incredible deepthroating skills on a dildo and given an instructive talk on fisting. Now I’d have loved to see this scene in all it’s uncut glory - there was clearly foot in pussy action going on, and Crystal’s not a force to be trifled with - she likes it intense and nasty. The bits we do see, though, are splendidly chav themed and very sexy, with some especially well filmed tonguefucking and great pussy penetration with a wine bottle for Crystal.
One last thing - you can’t afford to miss ‘The Making Of” bonus scene - it’s one of the most informative and well made British behind the scenes features we’ve seen… watch and learn, laugh and gasp as you see some of the things that really happen on a porn shoot!
Maximum Perversion
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Don’t let the mis-title put you off though. While this might not give the more twisted among you the pervy kicks you’re looking for, for the rest of us it’s good straightforward hardcore.
Each scene is loosely themed and the guys get into the swing of this, while the girls have a slightly bemused “can’t he just get on with fucking me?” look now and then. Particularly in ‘Handcuffs’ (which actually features a blindfold and a chain rather than cuffs), Tanya seems a bit dazed and confused by Jay Jay’s more-than-half-decent portrayal of a bloke called home by his missus in the middle of the day for some unexpected kinky nookie. He tells her how they should do this more often, how horny she makes him and all sorts, even at one point saying “I love you”. Meanwhile she’s looking rather nonplussed and not impressed about the blindfold.
In Jay Jay’s other scene he’s better matched (the fact he’s in two scenes here makes this film a winner for me, I could gaze at his muscles and hard dick for hours), with blonde bombshell Natalie Heck. She meets him in a bar, and they decide to make the most of the pool table. We’ve all imagined it on a pool table haven’t we… Here we get to watch Jay Jay lick Natalie’s long slit as she lies back on the gauze relishing every moment. He doesn’t bother to pull her g-string off and instead just holds it to one side as he fucks her with his Calvins round his knees. They move from the pool table to a chair where Natalie rides the full length of Jay’s perfect dick. There’s more than cock for her in this scene though, with the pool cue being put to a different use to normal. I’m guessing we’ve all imagined that too… However the censors must have decided it’s staying in our imagination, as the camera shot doesn’t quite show the action. It’s a surprise to find yourself having to use imagination while watching porn. Natalie licks the cue clean afterwards, then kneels to take Jay Jay’s load in her face.
Tony James is the photographer and Pascal the male model in Norma’s scene, where she plays a young first-time model. Before she turns up the guys discuss how they’re going to try to both fuck her. After taking a few pics of Norma and Pascal Tony presents her with his cock, which she has down her throat in an instant. While Pascal licks her out, she allows Tony to fuck her face hard. Spit-roasting seems to be her speciality as the boys take turns in her pussy and mouth. While she rides Pascal, Tony decides to take advantage of her tight little arsehole, working his cock in just an inch from Pascal’s. Once Norma’s taken as much DP as she can stand they go back to the spit-roast favourite, before spunking over her face, making her blue eyes sparkle.
I usually find girl-girl scenes boring but Michelle Thorne and Laura Michaels kept me watching in the last scene, ‘First Time Lesbians’. Blonde Laura is being given a session in the gym by personal trainer brunette Michelle. When Michelle pulls Laura’s top up, exposing her big round breasts, Laura seems satisfied with the explanation of “it helps me to see your muscles working more clearly”. Once Michelle starts sucking her nipples, Laura stops asking questions. The girls so a kind of nipple-licking 69, angling their bodies so they each have a nipple in their mouths while the other two are pressed together. Michelle has long tanned slender limbs and short natural nails, refreshing as a slightly different look to the porn norm. They use toys on each other, but my favourite moment was Laura rubbing one nipple against Michelle’s clit. It’s great to see two girls actually into each other and using their bodies together creatively, rather than relying on the toys.
Housewives Fantasies
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Housewives Fantasies 5 pushes the boundaries of Britporn further than most other Ben Dover movies I’ve seen so far. To put it bluntly, it’s quite American in style - this time he’s playing rough. Plenty of spitting, choking, slamming it in hard and making ‘em gag. Fantastic stuff for pervs like me who are into that kind of thing, and have long desired to see the marriage of classic Brit style stuff with action that’s that little bit harder and nastier.
On the other hand, I’m used to seeing Mr Dover dripping with adoring, gentle lust over his female fuckthings - admiring their every inch, oohing and aahing over each body part that they coyly reveal. Watching him bitchslap a “fucking whore cunthole” around and hold her mouth open to spit into was, frankly, quite hilarious. I like it!
The first woman, Vicky, has been in a sex documentary (so she’s “as seen on TV” then) and makes no bones about the fact that she’s very, very horny, and up for anything. She’s got a gobby, dirty mouth on her, long black hair and massive knockers. It’s like jumping in a time machine and experiencing Donna Marie in 15 years - especially as Vicky’s a right feisty bitch, enjoying the knickers stuffed in her pussy, being strangled, and spitting right back at the guys when they spit on her.
Blonde Celeste is a nervous first timer, pacing around the room and acting shy. In vignette of comic genius, Ben orders Pascal to “be very nice and romantic” to her, but within 15 seconds, Pascal’s all, “Yeah, open that fuckin mouth, bitch”. Oh Pascal, that wasn’t very romantic! When Celeste reveals her totally natural hairy pussy, Ben is obsessed, running his fingers through the hair and emitting his trademark moans every time her crotch is displayed. There’s some great shagging with her on top, Pascal’s arms wrapped tightly around her, and she has a very genuine, very sensual orgasm.
At the end of most of the scenes, all the guys wank off into the woman’s face, but Celeste’s is especially hot, because the three cumshots come one after the other but remain on and around her face, kind of making a cock picture frame for her pretty, spunk covered visage.
Sue is a slightly older, heavyset lady with short brown hair who’s been set up with Ben by her husband as a surprise. She’s more appreciative than you’d expect most wives to be, but then who knew how dirty some of these suburban sluts could get? Sue is a noisy and appreciative fuck, and has massive great pointy nipples and another gloriously hairy bush on her. With so many guys surrounding her, the shoot’s almost bukkake like. Surreally, at one point she suddenly had a glass in her hand and my smutty mind immediately thought “OMG PISS” - but (thankfully?) it was just her husband handing her white wine to celebrate her being gangbanged by a bunch of stunt cocks.
Classy Euro beauty Sylvia, fully prepared and clad in her best lingerie, is more seasoned than the rest - she’s performed before and is very much aware of her own attractiveness, making her stand out (for better or for worse, depending on your tastes) from the rest of Ben’s housewife amateurs. It’s just her boyfriend fucking her (unusual for a Ben Dover movie, but clearly he couldn’t resist filming it) so it’s more like a regular porn scene than the others too - but despite that, and the very refined erotic ’show’ it’s still an arousing fuck.
Finally comes a lady who lives up to the title - slim brunette housewife Josie who has a hardcore fantasy of fucking the man himself - Ben Dover. She’s dripping wet, sliding her long pussy lips up and down his cock, moaning and feeling up her own and his body. Soon Tony and Pascal arrive to lend a hand (and of course, a knob or two) giving her a chance to keep her mouth and hands busy while pleasuring Ben down below. It’s so rare for Ben to actually fuck one of the girls himself, but with Josie he slides his cock deep inside her, filming it POV style, as she moans and yelps her appreciation of having her “famous man fucking me” fantasy fulfilled.
All in all, I’d give this full marks if you’re not afraid of real bodies, mature women, and thoroughly hairy pussies - and if you like your shagging a bit rougher and harder than the bog standard British gonzo style. Great stuff.
Cleopatra
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The film opens with Julia Taylor’s sultry Cleopatra waiting in her bedchamber for Ceasar to come, see and conquer her, although not necessarily in that order. When Jules does show up, his noble image is rather blown by the fact his outfit is about two sizes too big, but that doesn’t matter because he doesn’t keep it on very long. The opening scene is pretty short, sweet and straightforward, but it’s well worth watching because of the gorgeous yellow lighting that makes the pair look like statues as Ceasar buries his cock in Cleo’s perfectly formed pussy.
The following scene sees Sandra Russo’s high priestess spying on her boss as she makes the beast with two backs with Ceasar, before getting buttonholed by Centurion Octavius (remember the name, we’ll be seeing him quite a lot) for a bit of scheming and plotting. As these things do, this soon leads to her being stripped down to her boots with a mouthful of Roman cock. Russo has a stunning body and gorgeous tits, so it’s a pleasure to watch her having every hole filled in turn by a hard cock.
Okay, this is where it starts getting confusing. Taylor and Russo look pretty similar to start with, and are dressed more or less identically, and are joined here by lookalike slaves Jessica May and Lucky in a scene optimistically entitled Roman Orgy. Still, it’s a great little scene as Cleo commands one of her slaves to lick her pussy, then bids Ceasar fuck her other slave, which he wastes no time in doing. The best bit is when Octavius turns up again, lifts Jessica May’s dress and tongues her pussy as she pleasures her queen.
The next scene sees Octavius back in Rome (he must be getting pretty tired with all that running around and shagging) telling Ceasar’s wife, played by Rita Faltoyano, that Ceasar wasn’t coming back. Figuring while the Emperor’s away she might as well have some fun, Ms Caesar soon has Octavius’ cock in her mouth, against the objections of one of her slaves. The slave in question sticks around to spy on the action, and inevitably the Empress is soon being fucked from both ends.
From this point onwards, things go a bit weird. Suddenly we’re not in ancient Egypt any more, but in 2003 in some weird narrative twist about cloning Cleopatra. But hey, this is porno; you didn’t expect a sensible story did you? Anyway, we soon end up with two of the scientists sitting about bored, and inevitably they soon end up tearing each other’s clothes off. Bobbi Eden’s alabaster skin looks stunning in scarlet lingerie, as she impales herself on her stud’s prick.
After a surprising amount more convoluted plot, we get the final scene. Investigating a lost tomb in the Egyptian desert, Bobbi Eden and her beau get nabbed by the Egyptian police, so to ‘distract’ the policeman she gives him the blowjob of a lifetime.
Cleopatra possibly isn’t the most adventurous or experimental of films, but what it does provide is believable characters, a selection of stars who look stunning while being fucked, and some amazingly sumptuous locations for them to fuck in. And hey, there’s some story thrown in, even if it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Ave Ceasar!
Pornutopia 2
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The girls are universally stunning. First up is petite Julie, a tiny Latino with a super-flexible body and just a flash of cute braces behind those full pouty lips. Pool boy Olivier Sanchez sees her playing with herself and can’t resist her come-hither stares. Soon she’s sucking him off, with great deep-throating captured by up-close camera angles. Olivier easily lifts her to impale her on his cock, bouncing her up and down before leaning her back into a reverse wheelbarrow. It would be tempting to start viewing it as athletics rather than porn, if it weren’t for the sight of Julie’s pussy lips stretching into an air-tight seal around Olivier’s dick. Things get dirtier as the passion hots up, with penetration as deep as you can get, at one point Olivier holding Julie’s pussy open with his thumbs while ramming his cock up her arse.
I was looking forward to the next scene, with Libellue, as in the few films of hers I’ve seen she’s taken huge dicks up every hole at the same time and in some cases two-in-one. I love girls being this cock-hungry so was anticipating more of the same. The scene was actually quite tame though – we’re teased with three studs, but only two get in on the action. Libellue looks gorgeous, in white shirt and khaki shorts with a large string of pearls round her neck. She uses these to encircle one stud’s shaft for a novel spin on wanking, and is so pleased with herself she smiles – something we don’t often see her do, and which lights up the screen. She then takes turns on their dicks, the camera looking right up her gaping pussy as they pull out of her. It’s a good scene, but I was disappointed they didn’t get to fuck her both at once.
Katy Caro gets aggressive with her stud, slapping his face as she rides on top of him. Every inch of her is beautiful, from her big blue eyes to her totally shaved smooth pussy. The couple are joined by the lighting man, with Katy wasting no time in getting her mouth round his dick. She’s cock-hungry like she hasn’t had a shag in years, making sure she’s got one in her mouth at all times while the other is up one of her other two holes. She demands “my pussy, then my arse, then my pussy”, and her stud is happy to oblige.
There’s more of a fantasy element to the next scene. Prim-looking brunette Elle Brook proves she’s any thing but, telling us how she likes to piss standing over the toilet bowl in public loos, imagining there’s a man in the next cubicle wanking over the sound of her stream hitting the water. Next in her fantasy is that the man fucks her on a floor strewn with his wank magazines, and you guessed it, we get to see this happen. We’re treated to slow right in-right out penetration shots interspersed with moments of rapid pounding. She takes his cock right down to the balls, all the while rubbing her clit furiously, until finally he cums onto her bush, soaking it with his spunk.
Alicia Rhodes and Jada Fires provide a beautiful contrast in skin tones in the next scene, in sunlit ruins. Monica Sweetheart closes the film with Jazz Duro, in a scene with the best intense close-up anal I’ve seen for a while. Jazz really savours that arse, preparing it first with a large glass dildo. Then he takes his time in pushing his cock slowly in and out, directing gobs of lubricating spit right into her gaping hole when he pulls out.
An extra is the bonus scene with Ellen Saint and Jennifer, joined by two studs by a villa pool. The scene starts off pretty standard, with the girls riding the studs, doing the synchronised-moans thing where it seems they’re partly trying to ignore each other and partly trying to compete for the best camera shots. Once things hot up however this turns into a great scene, with the action not following usual patterns: licking, fingering, DP, anal, ball-sucking, it all happens in a totally random order. Finally there’s a synchronised cumshot as both studs shoot at once into the girls’ open mouths.
Carmel Moores Ass
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Yes my friend, her ass is trully something you don’t find too often. In fact, her ass is soo damn good that you can’t believe your eyes when you see her taking some massive anal punishment in that cute round ass! Carmel Moore is a true anal goddes in every sence! You gotta see her taking huge cocks up her tight innocent asshole!
Amsterdam Sex Games
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The twist is that he actually has no tape in his camera, making her angry when she discovers she’s not going to be on TV after all. Now, call me naive if you will, but if you have a gorgeous vixen allowing you, for free, to see all manner of stunningly depraved sex sessions, you would have a tape in your camera. You would not stop recording for even one second. You would have tapes in your pockets, a bag full of spare tapes, and a wallet full of cash to buy more tapes in case you somehow ran out. Clearly, this man is one babywipe short of a porn shoot.
Anyway, the sex. A very exhibitionistic scene to start with, from red haired, slinky Dru Berrymore, who loves parading her sexy naked body in the windows and balcony of her city centre apartment. She takes it up the arse and makes loads of horny noise - there may be a bit much moaning for some womens’ tastes, but you probably won’t notice, with all the hot positions they get in.
Next comes a proper domination scene - in a fantastically atmospheric attic type location, with beautiful dark and subtle lighting, brunette bitch Sandra Ring orders her male slave about, making him perform for her, and screw her in positions of her choosing - she’s fucking good. The chemistry is amazing, and even as he dumps a load of spunk to her face, he’s still totally controlled by her.
Two lesbians, Betty Love and Barbarella, one of whom is a stunning alternative lovely, with a few nice tattoos and dyed hair, put on a pervy, raunchy strapon show for a watching man, who isn’t allowed to touch. Brunette beauty Bobbi Eden masturbates with a glass dildo on a canal boat, forcing the guy to watch, but not lay a finger on her. Even though this latter is technically just a solo scene, it’s made sexually climactic by him visibly wanking off to her self pleasuring activities.
There’s also a very early scene from Donna Marie, before her boobjobs, which is a real treat - she takes a hard DP in full nurse gear, looking much more innocent than in recent days! Finally, there’s an orgy scene to finish, in which the camera pans constantly over various little stunning vignettes of fetish - footlicking, spanking, oral worship, bondage, amazing outfits… and lots of kinky sex, in a nonstop sea of bodies. Stunning.
There’s 6 fantastic scenes in all, each of which draw you in with plenty of teasing and sexual tension, and strong themes of female domination. I loved it. The script is quite decent for a porno, and the acting is actually good - especially the sexual parts of it. I don’t mean this lightly either - I’ve seen fetishy porn movies featuring ‘dominatrixes’ who just really didn’t fill their roles properly, and anyone with a jot of interest in BDSM would have rolled their eyes in disappointment. No, these dominant bitches are the real deal, they know how to twist a man around their little fingers, staying completely in control and on top even while getting their arses fucked. Now that’s female domination.
Backstage The Movie
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So, what’s so special about this movie? Well, it does what it says on the tin. All 6 girls and a few studs are on holiday somewhere hot and sunny, and the cameras are on them all day and all night! About a third of each scene is the camera crew filming the girls ‘off camera’ - seeing how they interact, what they do, how they prepare for for their sex.
The dialogue from some of these babes is incredible - I had to pause the movie and show it to various people in the office a few times, I was laughing so much. But it’s not all laughs, it’s also extremely horny… these sexed up bitches just don’t stop molesting each other, even when they think the cameras are off!
It all starts with tall black haired Franki (who we’re fast developing a crush on) claiming to have pissed herself, with Poppy Morgan coming in close for a good look at her sodden bikini bottoms. Suddenly they notice some action going on beneath the balcony - Katy Caro is blowing a stud - so Claudia Rossi and Poppy sneak down with the cameraman to have a closer look. Ah, apparantly it’s the stud’s birthday, so he’s getting birthday sex. It only seems natural for Poppy to get down on her knees and join in, even as Gazzman exclaims “You’re not getting paid for this - what’s happening?!” One double hardcore fuck later and you realise - this is just porno babes having fun.
There’s some fun pegging action next, with one lucky guy lined up for Poppy who “has first dibs on his arse” although last time she went there, she found “bum bogies” - boy, is he embarrased at all this, it’s highly amusing. The sex is informal and fun as Poppy and Franki dildo his arse, cackling “Now you see what happens to us girls!”
It becomes quite surreal to watch after a while, as the girls chase each other about naked and randomly grope, suck and fuck each other just for horny laughs. It’s almost like living in a parallel universe where there’s no inhibitions and you can be chatting away happily, with your fingers up your mate’s pussy. These chicks really are sex crazy, it makes it almost female gonzo, they drive the action so hard.
One of the most stunning scenes of the movie for me, and this is not an ‘obvious’ choice, was Poppy using a vibrator on Julie - just the vibrator and her fingers, as Julie lies back and enjoys the stimulation. This is some of the most genuine and sensual female pleasure I have ever seen in a porno, as she hovers on the pinnacle of orgasm the whole way through - her sexy breathy gorgeousness is captivating. When she comes, it’s quiet but powerful, and she actually grabs Poppy’s hand to place it on her own heart, to show how much it’s racing. Beautiful.
Meanwhile, Franki’s having energetic anal sex on a boat out at sea, hanging onto the sail ropes in mid air for some brilliantly athletic positions. Great cumshot here as well - she actively induces his orgasm, wanking and sucking him just perfectly to make him cream.
The voyeurs among you will love the night time scene as two of the stars have it off officially, for the cameras, while Stacy Silver, watching, can’t resist a little fondle of the nearest cock, which belongs to one of the technicians. They have to be deadly quiet while mucking around, because there’s another scene going on, but this just makes it all the hotter, as she attempts to perform deepthroating and gags on his cock without making a sound, while the other actress moans in the background! Just when you started to take all this porno sex for granted - suddenly it’s all illicit and cheeky again! Genius.
Oh, and don’t miss the party scene, where you get to see the naughty lovlies dancing erotically, grinding up against the boys and each other, before Nikki Sun sneaks off next door with Katy Caro and a stud, to get slammed hard and fast on a pool table, while taking it in turns to suck on the spare pussy! Oh, and Claudia gets gangbanged too, and covered in spooge.
And surreally, we have a behind the scenes feature of Backstage, with an amusing titty shaking segment, someone asking Poppy to investigate whether their arse is clean for anal (and Poppy tasting her fingers to see, among a chorus of “No, Poppy, don’t!”). Franki waves her arsehole out a window, giggling that it’s had 3 days hard usage and has developed stretchmarks on the sphincter. The girls make their pussies and arses talk, like X rated childrens’ puppets. And of course, there’s extra wanking footage of the girls - these horny little bitches really cannot get enough!
Fit As Fuck
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The setting is a gym and the theme a piss-take of the multitude of fitness-themed music videos in the last year or so. “It seems everyone who’s anyone is bringing out a fitness video these days, so we thought we’d follow suit,” says the breathy voiceover at the start. We’re then treated to five hardcore ‘routines’: Come On Me; Black On Blonde Workout; Steamy-Room; Dumb-Belle; and Fighting Fit. There are sweat-bands, leg-warmers and neon lycra a-plenty, and believe me, a visit to the gym will never seem quite the same again.
It’s hard to choose a favourite scene; they’re all great. Joint top for me though is Leah Jaye and Demetri XXX in Steamy-Room and Tati and Dougie in Fighting Fit.
Where did Relish find Tati? - this petite breathy starlet is a dedicated orgasm-chaser from the word go, grinding her clit against Dougie’ pelvis as she rides on top of him and fiddling with herself at every opportunity. This is after a sparring session in the boxing ring which sees her knock instructor Dougie out, then get her mouth round his cock before he’s even regained consciousness. She’s begging for more even as his cum is still running down her face at the end. Part of the magic of the scene is the chemistry between the performers - but how could Dougie possibly not be into such a vision of perfect innocence/dirt combined? The bounce of the boxing ring ropes comes into play as he slams her from behind before lowering her to the mat to work his cock slowly up into her arse. After a hesitant start she’s soon pleading for more with the sweetest but filthiest little groans.
Before that we see Leah Jaye and Demetri getting hot and frisky in a steam room, then consumating their passion just outside. Leah is stunning, all Shilpa Shetty eyes and luscious curves. She climbs all over Demetri, frequently rising up for passionate kissing. Demetri’s one of my favourite studs, and watching his cock parting Leah’s dark lips to reveal flashes of rose-pink, is fantastic.
Another couple with great on-screen passion is Michelle B and Danny Boy. Michelle is working her thighs on the exercise bike when Danny introduces himself as owner of the gym. In no time she’s checking out his physical credentials. He looks like he’s struggling not to shoot throughout much of the scene, and who wouldn’t faced with Michelle’s big blue eyes and breathy moans of encouragement.
Unfortunately Suzi Best and Nico don’t seem to get into a similar level of groove in their scene, though trying to find a rhythm between Nico’s super-long ebony cock and Suzi’s tight pussy while getting into position on weights machines can’t have been easy. She takes his length easier up her arse as they move to the mats though they still don’t seem to quite click. He shoots buckets though, covering her tummy, pussy and the vinyl seat of the Leg Extender machine.
I usually find girl-girl scenes a bit boring but even that is done brilliantly here, as cheeky Antonia, Tammy and Karen Wood give each other “an inside-out workout”. First they do a dance routine while the camera pans in tight on their thrusting crotches. Once they get down to dirty business Tammy and Karen treat Antonia to a two-tongue licking, stopping now and then to passionately kiss. Antonia then returns the favour by using g-spot-angled dildos on the two blondes simultaneously. Tammy has the most infectious smile imaginable, even while moaning and biting her lip as the other two work anal beads up into her arse and a dildo into her cunt. The three girls collapse into a giggly sweaty heap at the end.
It makes such a difference when the performers in a film look like they’re really into each other, and would be shagging even if the camera wasn’t there. That’s one of the best things about Relish’s films and Fit As Fuck shows why it works. The kissing is proper, “wanna-eat-you” full-mouth kissing, not the tongue-tips-touching “do we really have to do this?” kissing you get in lots of porn films. The fucking, while keeping in mind angles for the camera, also has a sense of real passion and spontaneity about it. I bet we’d all use our gym memberships lots more if this was what really went on down the local Fitness First…
Swingalonga Ben
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As always with Ben’s films the girls are enthusiastic and the guys are a very mixed bunch. Two of the five scenes here feature studs old enough to be great-grandads. Young plump Tiffany, all milky-pink skin and super-hairy bush, gets a seeing to from a guy who looks like he’s about to have a heart attack. She’s only 18, he looks about 50 years older, but he’s determined to not only keep up with her but be in the driving seat throughout. As the scene goes on he gets redder and redder in the face. He manages a copious cumshot though over her round arsecheeks.
Meanwhile Louise - a slender blonde with colourful tattoos - is treated to another oldie, Ken, who looks like he’s just fallen out of a mummy’s coffin. His long smooth cock rising up from totally shaved balls looks about half his age though and he knows what to do with it, rocking Louise backwards and forwards in front of him so the camera gets a great view of it sliding in and out of her pink pussy.
The age difference is reversed - though not to quite the same extent - in Kimberley’s scene. She’s a crop-haired housewife who gets her hands on younger Lee. Although he doesn’t look so sure through much of the scene she’s loving it, and the camera keeps rolling as she makes sure she licks up every drop of his cum.
The best scene is Chelsea and Roberto’s. Pretty black-haired Chelsea has a proper dirty sparkle in her blue eyes and a slow sexy smile which is spread across her face throughout the scene. Roberto wastes no time in getting behind her and banging her at double-speed, until she moves on top and we get to watch her high firm tits bouncing. She catches his cum right in her mouth and those eyes sparkle again.
Long camera takes mean we get to see every bit of the action, which I like, and there’s no time-wasting at the start of the film, with the action kicking off straight away with Rachel and her stud. The shots on the box cover are unfairly unflattering of Rachel, who’s a slender pale redhead. Moving through the standard porn positions she suddenly sparks into erotic life in doggy, obviously her favourite. From there she groans and moans her way through some vigorous fingering before finishing off with deep anal.
Ben, behind the camera, isn’t as vocal as in some of his films though does throw in the occasional comment and word of encouragement. This style of porn isn’t really for me, but I’d particularly recommend this one if you’re a grey-haired grandad who wants encouragement that it’s not too late to be a porn star.
This Is Burlesque
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