The Two Jonnies
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After my first few weeks here indulging in oh-so-serious, overly ambitious Private movies, it was a welcome relief when it came time to watch legendary Brit smut peddler Phil Barry’s ‘The Two Jonnies’. Not usually one for humourous porn I found myself enjoying this flick immensely for reasons I cant fully explain, perhaps its the laid back approach of the whole thing, theres no pretense here, just good humoured, no nonsense British porno and it’s very fucking funny, for a while…
The story revolves around Jonny (Phil Barry) a bungling porn producer whos chief stud Johny (Tony James) desperately tries to earn a crust away from porn because basically, he isnt being paid enough by his friend. We see Johny in his new roles throughout the films five scenes, first off dressed in a chicken costume (for which I can only assume is a fund raising job), he then tries his hand at being a barman, next he’s a slave for the elusive Mistress Elaine (who leaves him stuck in a cage), then a vicar, and finally a dragged up hooker. But with each new role comes producer Jonny convincing him to star in his latest scene, and its a good job too or we’d all be deprived of some top ‘rare faces in porn’ with the films 5 very hot chicks…
First off there’s Jess Steed, a tall, dark blonde beauty with the most gorgeous tits which Johny wastes no time in fondling - in full chicken outfit. Off comes the suit and Jess starts to wank him off and chowing on the end of his cock through his boxer shorts, this looks incredibly fucking horny. Jess is one girl that simply hasn’t done enough porn, I looked her up and only found shes done 3 movies, shame, she’s amazing. After giving her pussy a good seeing to by way of tongue the fucking begins and hey, is she one very hot fuck indeed people, the way she rides and grinds his big cock had me ready to burst, argh the pleasures these porn guys get to indulge in…
Johnys next attempt at a filth free job is working as a bartender when scrumptious art student Laura Michaels walks in, shes quickly conned into making a ‘promo video’ for the guys so again, Johny ditches his job and gets to shagging for his old pal. The leggy brunette is instructed to ’sculpt’ Johny’s cock (still believing shes in an arty promo shoot). Soon enough she has a cock in her mouth and is giving some killer head before being rammed doggy style on the sofa and enjoying a porn sticky, the reverse cowgirl.
After being rescued from his new job as a slave, Johny soon gets tucked into sexy blonde Emma via a finger fuck, a manoeuvre he seems to favour throughout the film. Then we are onto the hot fucking, you know the drill…
Mmm, I do enjoy a good tit wank bit in a porno and i’m treated to a corker by filthy mouthed beautiful lingerie adorning Charley Holays. It’s a treat, but unfortunately the rest of the sex is pretty by numbers, bah, i’m complaining by now, note to self *this is classic British porn, respect it for what it is!
Finally we are pleasured by the site of Johny, or should I say ‘Lola’ as he takes to the streets in his new role as a transvestite hooker, but he’s invading Tracey’s patch and a scuffle ensues. Fortunately, Jonny arranges for his pal and Tracy to work happily together and it’s back to the bedroom for the final fuck of the movie, with Jonny in stockings and suspenders and very strange looking make up which gives him the resemblance of a youthful Nick Cave (the goth guy)….
So.
All in all, as i’ve made clear, this is simple classic UK porn, it does get a little stale by scene four but admittedly, this is my second time round watching the movie and I didn’t really think this on first viewing, so not really one with lasting appeal then. There’s gag upon gag upon gag throughout the entire movie with puns relating to Johnys latest endeavours being thrown in left, right and centre, the chicken sketch the most packed with funnies.
Basically, The Two Jonnies’ is the kind of porn you can sit round with your mates and check out some awesome looking women whilst having a giggle at the funny bits. Although Cathy Barry is credited as presenting the film (that’s like producing right?) this is very much a ‘bloke movie’. It’s not really a ’sit and get yourself off’ kind of movie but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, its good to share porn with friends.
