Cum Fly With Me
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I’m especially excited to be reviewing Cum Fly With Me as it’s a bit of an in-house effort, made in association with Strictly News. It’s the debut from porn journalist Alexander Paul, who had seen uninspiring porn too many times and said he could do better. This film has much more creativity and variety than the average – just check out how many different categories it falls into on Strictly Broadband! The film has lots of fetishistic touches, but it’s still a proper dirty fuck flick.
The first scene stars Kaz B and JJ. They’re an off-screen couple which is kinda sweet, I guess, well, as sweet as hardcore porn gets. They’re screwing in a plane, and making full use of props by getting down on the seats and on a hostess trolley. She’s wearing a little black rubber dress, which is very pretty but I’m sure not very comfortable flight apparel. Other people are sitting around the plane, some watching, and some ignoring it (which is actually much more creepy!) Cute and dirty as this couple may be, the scene is stolen by the occasional glances of rubber air hostess Lala. The air hostess is definitely one of the less-explored uniform fetish clichés, and the girl herself is stunning. A slender black girl with huge, fierce eyes and a mohawk haircut, wearing a House of Harlot rubber air hostess uniform and oozing sensuality – I am in love.
Scene two is more experimental, and they get away with a change in style by billing it as the in-flight movie, Lesbians. It begins with two inflatable rubber aliens in stylised female form. Their costumes and masks (designed by Pretty Pervy) are amazingly creative and pretty as well as scary. Eventually they strip their rubber gear off and get down to some soapy wet DP dildo action. The one downside to this scene is that the cinematography atmospherically fades from scene to scene, which sometimes makes it difficult to get a clear look at what’s going on, and is tough on the eyes. One of the ways in which you can tell this is a debut film is that sometimes practicality is sacrificed to creativity (but that’s a much preferable situation to the other way around!)
Ah, here come the trolley dollies again! Lala is joined by Suzie Best and they sway down the aisles in matching uniforms. I do hope Easyjet will consider putting their staff in these uniforms before I next go on holiday. Suzie struts over to a naughty nun, Red. Always gotta have nuns on planes in films, don’t you – it’s some kind of rule. Red is frankly fearsome – one for those who like ‘em strict and scary. She exploits the nun stereotype to the max and masturbates with a cross. My one quibble with this scene is that she’s wearing PVC, which is nowhere near as nice as the rubber of the hostesses and Kaz. Too crackly!
The next scene, ‘Whores’ is another diversion from the main plane theme, and this time they excuse is that it’s porn watched in a handheld device by a passenger. The storyline consistency is kept really well, without that meaning there’s too much plot and too little porn. Two tattooed and pierced goth girls, Thorn and Tallulah, meet some johns in a skanky-looking alleyway. These girls look like trouble, like your mother would definitely not approve of you associating with them. This scene is literally filthy, not just lots of explicit sex but it’s nasty, dirty, skanky – for instance, fucking with bottles left on the street. This makes it huge amounts of fun.
Once the passenger finishes watching his porn, it’s time for the camera to follow rubber Suzie to the hostess cabin, where she utilises the plane’s food supplies in a novel manner and DP’s herself with two cucumbers. I wonder if they went in the sandwiches afterwards? Next up, Kaz has snuck away from her boyfriend and Red the nun is definitely not keeping her vow of chastity as they engage in a bit of play with their toys. Cabin pressure is definitely increasing! Meanwhile, Suzie has returned to the main area of the plane and raring for more. She seduces a passenger, who turns out to be that rarest of things in porn – an actually attractive man, and not just a random with a big obedient dick. They get on with some very hot sex, but the passenger next to them is not impressed, he looks mildly annoyed to this disturbance of his flight.
Now Suzie’s back on duty, it’s Lala’s turn for a wank-break. We now wave the main storyline goodbye as the final scenes take place in a fantasy in her head. These BDSM scenes, where she serves under the strict orders of oriental dominatrix Goddess Qing are probably the hottest in the movie, despite their lack of real sex, thanks to the presence of the gorgeous Lala.
Overall, Cum Fly With Me is more creative than it is slick and some of the things like camera angles could be smoother, but it’s a hugely impressive first effort and really puts a lot of boring badly-scripted porn to shame. It also nicely blends the good production values of American porn with the rough-and-readiness of Britporn. Highly recommended. Fly SleazyJet!
